These posts also from the "other blog."
Forging Bonds
The next few weeks we tried to cram in every bit of "quality time" we could. We had a weekend away just the two of us up to a nearby ski resort where we had access to a condo. It was wonderful just being together out there in the near-wilderness, pretending life away and imagining that we would never be parted. Much of the rest of those few weeks are a bit hazy for me. I remember get-togethers with family and friends, an early Easter celebration, a few glitches with the guard and hoping he wouldn't have to go, finding out he did have to go (all over again!), and feeling very uptight, anxious and ornery. I'll blame some of that last bit on the pregnancy hormones, though I'm sure the thought of my husband leaving for a year and a half had something to do with it.
Through all this I remained fairly calm and collected, (besides the hormonal episodes, which were few and far between if I do say so myself). My heart ached most when I looked at my one year old daughter and realized how much she had grown in so little time, how much her daddy would be missing, and how much she would be missing him. She was, and still is, her daddy's girl through and through. From the moment she came into this world his is the first face she focused on and the first fingers she touched (after the doctor and nurses were done with her).
Our little girl was a preemie and I was very sick and weak bringing her into this world. I remember the moment I first saw her and stroked her little, slimy, beautiful head. Then she was whisked away to her incubator in the nursery and I slept for many hours, but her daddy was by her side every minute he could be. I believe a bond was forged in those first precious moments between them of the kind that cannot be understood but by those who are part of it.
Many times over the course of our separation while Daddy was in Iraq, I saw a connection between them that was unexplainable and extraordinary. When Daddy was having a bad day, thousands of miles across the world, a little two year old girl would whine and cry for no apparent reason and need her daddy, for no one else could comfort her. When his phone call would come the next day and he told of his struggles, I would finally understand what had been wrong with my little girl! More than a few times she felt her daddy's pain and wanted so badly to comfort him on those hardest days. We watched our home videos of Daddy over and over again. I finally printed a small picture of him that she could have of her very own to carry around with her and keep in her crib at night. It's crumpled face and torn edges quickly attested to how much it - he - was loved by her.
Through all this I remained fairly calm and collected, (besides the hormonal episodes, which were few and far between if I do say so myself). My heart ached most when I looked at my one year old daughter and realized how much she had grown in so little time, how much her daddy would be missing, and how much she would be missing him. She was, and still is, her daddy's girl through and through. From the moment she came into this world his is the first face she focused on and the first fingers she touched (after the doctor and nurses were done with her).
Our little girl was a preemie and I was very sick and weak bringing her into this world. I remember the moment I first saw her and stroked her little, slimy, beautiful head. Then she was whisked away to her incubator in the nursery and I slept for many hours, but her daddy was by her side every minute he could be. I believe a bond was forged in those first precious moments between them of the kind that cannot be understood but by those who are part of it.
Many times over the course of our separation while Daddy was in Iraq, I saw a connection between them that was unexplainable and extraordinary. When Daddy was having a bad day, thousands of miles across the world, a little two year old girl would whine and cry for no apparent reason and need her daddy, for no one else could comfort her. When his phone call would come the next day and he told of his struggles, I would finally understand what had been wrong with my little girl! More than a few times she felt her daddy's pain and wanted so badly to comfort him on those hardest days. We watched our home videos of Daddy over and over again. I finally printed a small picture of him that she could have of her very own to carry around with her and keep in her crib at night. It's crumpled face and torn edges quickly attested to how much it - he - was loved by her.
SUNDAY, JULY 6, 2008
A True Patriot
This post is out of order of my "novel". I just want to write a bit about what it means for me to be a soldier's wife and a little bit about what I feel that title really means. My husband has been home from Iraq for 2 years, now. With the 4th of July just passed, I have been reflecting a lot on our country and what it means to be a part of it.
Today I watched my husband struggle to fight off the demons that are tormenting him inside. He is suffering from many issues that surfaced for him during his tour of duty in Iraq. I felt so helpless, at a loss for what to do, what to say, so I prayed. Heavenly Father heard my prayer and blessed me with a knowledge of how to heal, how to help. The answer was love. So is it worth it? What's the point of all of this? These wars, these politics, his service. My answer is yes, it's worth it. And the reason is love. This country and its government were founded by God. It was set apart by Him because of His great love for us, to be a place of freedom for those who were/are oppressed. For those very first pilgrims who traveled here from so far away, it was a place to truly love and serve God as He would have them do. America is still that place today, and will be forever more, as long as we continue to love and serve Him as he would have us do. The key, as always, is love.
So we sacrifice and serve to keep this country free. We sacrifice and serve because we love our country and the God who founded it. We sacrifice and serve because we love our families, friends, the Iraqi people and all people who suffer from oppression. We sacrifice and serve because it is our duty. And we pay a price, yet it is still worth it. The pain my husband suffers is not in vain. It is pain that shows he is human, that he feels, that he cares about what happens to his fellow men, American or not. He saw so much misery, so much hate, so much destruction that now it haunts him day and night. Is it worth it? Perhaps not to those who do not love. But when asked the question "Is it worth it?", my husband and I will answer, without hesitation: "Yes." Because of Love.
Today I watched my husband struggle to fight off the demons that are tormenting him inside. He is suffering from many issues that surfaced for him during his tour of duty in Iraq. I felt so helpless, at a loss for what to do, what to say, so I prayed. Heavenly Father heard my prayer and blessed me with a knowledge of how to heal, how to help. The answer was love. So is it worth it? What's the point of all of this? These wars, these politics, his service. My answer is yes, it's worth it. And the reason is love. This country and its government were founded by God. It was set apart by Him because of His great love for us, to be a place of freedom for those who were/are oppressed. For those very first pilgrims who traveled here from so far away, it was a place to truly love and serve God as He would have them do. America is still that place today, and will be forever more, as long as we continue to love and serve Him as he would have us do. The key, as always, is love.
So we sacrifice and serve to keep this country free. We sacrifice and serve because we love our country and the God who founded it. We sacrifice and serve because we love our families, friends, the Iraqi people and all people who suffer from oppression. We sacrifice and serve because it is our duty. And we pay a price, yet it is still worth it. The pain my husband suffers is not in vain. It is pain that shows he is human, that he feels, that he cares about what happens to his fellow men, American or not. He saw so much misery, so much hate, so much destruction that now it haunts him day and night. Is it worth it? Perhaps not to those who do not love. But when asked the question "Is it worth it?", my husband and I will answer, without hesitation: "Yes." Because of Love.
Thank you for sharing your story. You're amazing!
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